It’s time to tell him what you want – and then ask what he’s looking for.

If you desire a significant other who poses for photos, plans holidays, meets your community, etc., let him know. It’s been a year. 

Be clear about what a more serious relationship could look like. Maybe it doesn’t involve family portraits or big changes. It could be about seeing each other more often or knowing that you’re not seeing others. 

Sometimes bigger commitment seems less scary after you describe it. 

After you’ve shared your wishes, ask for his version of relationship perfection right now. Be clear that you’d rather him be honest than silent. If he likes things as they are, remember that to you, this feels half-baked.

If he can’t speak about it, ask him to write it down and email or text. If he won’t communicate anything, this is the wrong relationship, for sure. This should be a simple, adult conversation about intentions.

For the record, I didn’t jump to the conclusion that he’s hiding another relationship. I did think, “Maybe he has an ex he still cares about. Or maybe there’s something going on with money. Or maybe he does have some avoidant stuff going on and doesn’t want to be closer than you are.” 

But I realized it was useless to guess. He’s the one with the answers.

– Meredith