A.

Is it fair to leave? I’m not sure that’s the most helpful question.

Is it healthy – and what’s best for you? Maybe. 

It sounds like you haven’t spent enough time figuring out whether you can share chemistry, love, and happy times with the person your husband has become.

Maybe he’s great, but not the company you’d choose. Or perhaps you spent so much time hoping for change – imagining what a turned corner would look like – that reality doesn’t come close to the fantasy.

Or maybe this is all about resentment, and change came too late.

I assume he got some help to get where he is. Therapy? Other kinds of counsel? Sounds like you need to give yourself time for the same thing. Let him know you need space to discover who you are in this marriage. He can watch the kids while you go somewhere to talk.

The thing is, you signed up for the messier version of this. It would be nice to interrogate how that all went down – and what you need now.

Find a safe place where you can consider the life you want. No need for immediate decisions.

If you do leave, it won’t be about fairness; it’ll be about how to set up the healthiest life for your family.

– Meredith

Readers? Would it be fair? Does it matter? Can you talk about the resentment that can flood in when there’s finally time to consider the past?

What’s been bothering you about your relationships (or dating life)? Ask your own question. It helps others who are wondering the same thing. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].