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It’s Summer and my wife really wants to go on vacation, but I have a huge deadline at work to focus on. I’m struggling a bit with making my wife happy and also ensuring that I focus on this important deadline at work.

Elaine Varelas advises on the risks and ethical implications of “quiet vacationing” and how this could damage trust with your employer and coworkers.

Ask the Job Doc. Boston.com

By Elaine Varelas

Q.  My wife wants to take a vacation this Summer, but I have a major deadline at work. I don’t want to disappoint her, so should I just go on “vacation” and not tell my colleagues? I’d still work and attend meetings, but I wouldn’t be as available as usual. I hear that “quiet vacationing” is the new trend, but not sure I can pull it off.

A.  Quiet vacationing isn’t the yoga retreat of just a few years ago. This “trend” is taking time off from work without telling your boss or colleagues, and by doing just enough work to not get noticed as absent. Old style managers wanted face time with their employees. Some part of bringing people back into the office, whether companies are willing to admit it or not, is to ensure that employees are actually working. It is very possible to “quiet vacation” in the office as we know, and to lack any kind of productivity. It just isn’t as blatant. 

When managers see proof of quiet vacationing, which absolutely is real, they lose confidence in what employees are doing when they’re not in the office. Many employers have given employees the flexibility to work remotely from other locations, including other time zones because there’s a depth of trust that occurs between the employer and the employee. That trust will be broken if your employer finds out that you are on vacation and have creatively arranged to have emails sent out on a regular basis throughout the day so that it looks like you’re working, attend virtual meetings and blur the background, or set your status on Teams or Slack to “busy”. You will lose your job, you will lose any kind of reference that you might have had, and your spouse or partner will be more than disappointed about a lack of a vacation.

There should be flexibility around projects, around vacation time, and there may be time that you must give up during the vacation, which is a negotiation between you and your wife to be able to say, “Let’s go on vacation, but I’ll need six hours during that time that I’ll have to work.”  You say your spouse wants to plan and go on a vacation, but that’s significantly different than, “We’ve already scheduled flights, hotels, and paid money,” to your manager. If you can, plan your vacation for after your major deadline as you will have a vacation to look forward to and this will also allow you to fully relax on your vacation. Or, you might consider taking a shorter vacation, perhaps a long weekend, and save the real vacation for when work is less demanding.

With large scale work projects and time off everyone needs to be flexible. I’ve seen great managers reward someone with additional vacation days because they were willing to change their plans. Senior employees should always offer to their manager the willingness to change a vacation or at least have a conversation about, “Here’s the financial commitment or family commitment I’ve made in regards to taking time off. How can we make this best works for the organization and my family?” Without that mutual trust and that mutual willingness to work together, neither side will have a successful long-term relationship.

I think that the “quiet vacationing” trend, taking time off without getting approval from your employer, is a generational issue that is more popular with Millennials and Gen Zers. Boomers may have wanted to, but work wasn’t designed that way. In the past, it was common that families went on vacation and spouses joined on weekends. It shouldn’t have to be that way, but lying to your employer about whether you’re working or not is also out of the question. Honesty is critical to maintaining a good relationship with your employer and you should consider all the drawbacks and ethical issues related to “quiet vacationing.”

And as Human Resources Director at Keystone Partners, Cori Tammaro, reminds us, “Managers need to keep communication open and be aware of what employees need in their personal lives to keep their work lives highly productive. And sometimes that is just straight up time off.”