I wouldn't mind dating her

Friday | July 12, 2024

Love Letters Dating

I wouldn’t mind dating her

I’m a 23-year-old man and have been best friends with a 23-year-old woman for several years, going back to college. We’ve always been great friends and have been a bit flirty with each other, often after a few drinks.

Though some of this may just be our personalities, lately it’s starting to feel like we may have real feelings for each other. I wouldn’t mind dating her.

I think we’d be a great couple and that she feels the same way. However, if we break up, could we go back to being friends? Or would we stop talking as many do post-breakup? Thus, by going further than being friends – even if just for a few months – do we put our friendship in jeopardy?

– Flirty

I have no idea. I’m can’t see the future.

What I do know is that your friendship is going to change no matter what. If one of you finds a significant other, you probably won’t hang out as much. If one of you moves or takes a new job, it might be harder to get together.

It’s impossible to preserve this exact arrangement, so why not ask for what you want?

We get so many letters about how to preserve friendships. I love that people are prioritizing platonic bonds, but romantic feelings can change everything – and that’s OK. Be open to new versions of this relationship.

Also, there’s no way skip ahead to see the ending. You can’t design a healthy post-breakup friendship before you try dating.

The best plan is to pursue this with respect, honesty, and patience. Tell her how you feel without making big promises. Do not demand to continue this exact friendship no matter what happens. If it doesn’t work out, one of you might need time away – which is fine.

Also, if you’re pretty sure you only want to try this for a few months, take a beat before a next step. Maybe this is just a mood. See if it lasts.

– Meredith

Readers? Lots of letters about dating vs. staying friends. Can you share stories of how it went right – and wrong?

What’s been on your mind about relationships? Ask your own question. Use the anonymous form or email [email protected].

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Featured Comment

Whether you date her or you don’t, you could lose her as a friend someday. You have to live in the present — if you have feelings for her, say so and give it a shot. If you don’t, some other guy will, and how would you feel then? But I do think you need something stronger than “I wouldn’t mind dating her.” Does she turn you on, or not? Get out of your head and listen to your heart.

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